Feeling v down, V sad .. and V gloomy..
I decided to write down , the definition of the word : Watanless..
To feel that u r an outsider, (always)..
To feel that u don’t belong.. (never will)..
To feel u r helpless, hopeless, and deeply wounded..
To feel lonely , almost 24 hours of the day..
To feel insecure (always) and depressed (most of the days) ..
How many other meanings can we add ??.. Countless I suppose..
Again the definition may differ from one person to the other..
It is not about having a roof over yr head.. it is not about having family members around u, for sometimes it happens that yr family is dependant in its affairs upon u.. it is not about having a job, cause this may be one of yr worst agonies.. a constant reminder that You Are Not from Here..
What is it they have against Iraqiyeen?? Stories of them being badly treated, humiliated, etc.. etc.. you hear stories that make yr heart wrench ..
I decided to go to the mosque in the city I live in.. Balki, I said to myself I find some relief.. I sat reading the Quran, trying to remember all the relatives, friends, who keep asking (me – us), to keep praying for Iraq, and for them as they live there inside.. trying hard not to forget any of them ..
I heard a lady talking.. she was Iraqi.. talking to another about Iraqiyeen and their suffering..(Flan who couldnt get a Visa, Flan who was deported , the other who was not allowed inside, another who was kept waiting for hours on the border then was forced to return, etc.. (of course this was accompanied by country names from all over the world, Arabic and European).. what a coincidence.. I thought to myself.. I took a look at where she was sitting, nothing special about her, the familiar Iraqi features , but what really captured my attention was her last words before turning to pray.. she said : El Denya Dawaer.. wel Dawaer tdooor..
Oh how I silently said (ameen ameen, a thousand ameen) ..
Will we witness the day ? when the Dawaer really Tdooor..? Will we witness the day, when Iraqna yerjaa?? Will we witness the day when the word Iraqi would open the doors not close them shut (with a bang) ?..
I know as we all know that nothing lasts forever.. and after the (Downs) there has to be (Ups) .. but will We be there when this happens??
Nobody seems to be optimistic once the name Iraq is mentioned.. nobody seems to encourage waiting for any glimpse of light.. but if so, how r we to go on?? What is there to live for , if living is in fact about all the above mentioned feelings that one goes through over and over every day??
The question that always haunts me, is that forever and ever Iraq had been hospitable to ev body.. everone was welcome.. it’s the nature of the iraqi people .. how come when We needed help, everybody just turned us down ?? we have become Unwanted.. Unwelcome..!!
I suppose : "C'est la Vie".. Black and White , like we have come to learn the hard way..
Colors exist only in our childhood.. when we once had a Watan..
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4 comments:
Oh Yasmin I hope this phase passes for you soon.
I used to describe il-ghurba as the loss of my safety net, a sense of insecurity all the time, but like I have said before sometimes the challange brings out the best in all of us, to prove to those who doubt us, to leave a different impression upon those who suspect us, to leave a legacy to the watan we so loved by being a small oasis of it wherever we are, an oasis at which those who share our thoughts and feeling can stop by on their way wherever that may be.
I have been thinking lately that maybe what we all need is a sort of electronic mueseum to Iraqna, filled with all our pleasant memories, mental and real images, to keep for future generations to appreciate and add to.
Take care.
Dear Yasmin
It's obvious how exauste you're.
We all are sad and upset for what is going on.
Believe me Ghurba would be much worse if you were alone as I'm living so.
Yesturday my family phoned me from Baghdad, despite all the horror they're living in as they're threatend, they were together while I was alone.
Allah kereem.
The thing is I agree that life is a cycle and Tadoor el Dawaer , but sometimes it takes long or very long time to do so.
Allah kereem
Take care
dear 3eeraqi medic,
thank u for yr kind words..
i too hope that i pass this phase quickly..
i like the idea of the electronic muesume .. in fact i blv all the iraqi bloggers r indeed forming or building such a thing, telling their stories and memories of iraq on internet,that will stay forever, and all can share and read..
many thanks for yr concern..
dear a&e iraqi,
Wallahe i know how terrible it is to b lonely in Ghurba, i myself lived all by myself for so many yrs..u finally get used to it..(blv me u will, not trying to Atfalsaf)..
i do agree with u that we r going through a V long cycle..
Allah Kareem, w Chibeer, Akbar men el Kol..
take care yrself..and thanks for yr compassionate words..
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