There is a story i once read, its French, I read it translated into English, its by Jean-Paul Sarter, the well known author. The title in English is ( No mirrors in Hell, or , Hell has no mirrors). The idea in short is , Hell is actually not about the place, its about the ppl whom we r forced to live with forever, they r forced on us probably by sheer chance, or for circomestances, the point is they become part of our life, and there is no escape from their hateful company, we don’t want them there, we don’t want to be with them, but they are there, just to give us a hard time, they never go away.
I, after so many years in this Ghurba, now think that this could b very true .. the country u r living in, could be very beautiful, but, as i said before its not about a nice place..
outside yr country u r a different person, u lose many things, u lose real friends, u lose your family, and by family I mean relatives and all family members, who would run to help u out in time of need, who represent (Ezwa) , if u know the word,, u lose very essential things, that u can never gain back as long as u r out, u become isolated, a prisoner of a better time u once lived inside yr country, and now u have lost for good..
no matter how many friends u make , the Ghurba is within u..it lives in u, yr mood differs, yr personality differs, yr capability to endure differs, u r not the same person u once were, u will never be that person again..
So, in Hell – Ghurba, u r to live with ppl u don’t want to be with in the first place, let alone having to deal with them every single day, take on their nasty attitude with u, they all know its Their country, not yours, they all know u r weak, cause without your country, u R indeed weak.. For how much longer do we have to suffer our tragic loss? For how much longer, we r to live without WATAN ? shall we ever get it back ? or have we lost it for good?? For how much longer r we to deal with ppl we both know they r much beneath us, but, because its their country, not ours, we have to take on their painful behavior, to remind us day and night that we actually do Not belong here.. to have to experience human feelings we never thought we would have to face, feelings we read about only in books, like grudge, hatred, superior behavior (though both sides know quite well it’s the other way round) ..
For how much longer will we b without WATAN? Without Iraqna? And for how much longer will we b able to go on ?? ..
I absolutely have no idea…
I know it’s a very melancholy post, and maybe it needs rephrasing, i know, but I needed to write down these lines as I feel im about to cry.. helpless and hopeless.. im not sure anymore if I can go on..
P.S. : all our suffering in Ghurba, does not count, not for one second, to what our ppl r suffering there, inside iraq.. Iraqna, our pride and glory.. Our deepest greif..
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Hi Yasmi
You're right ;no mirrors in Hell,
the thing is Iraqis feel foreigners even when they're in Iraq, I know that feeling is a different matter, yet they feel so.
Let's pray that Iraq wake up and we all live there as Iraqis not as foreigners.
Regards
dear a&eiraqi,
i do agree to what u say..
i also pray that We wake up and find it was just an awful nightmare..
V childish i know.. but i still wish ..cause as i said , i myself dnt know how much longer i can take, honestly.. im going though some dark mood mabe..
dear 3eeraqi Medic,
u will not blv how touched i was when i read yr lines..coming home after another bad day at work, checked and found yr words and a&eiraqi's ..
u will not blv that as i read yr words, and even now as im writing my reply to u i feel an urge to cry, i felt yr words r like those of an old freind, u need just to see his kind smile to start crying yr heart out..without needing to explain what u feel..
indeed,someone a whole world apart, may understand what u say and feel the same way u do.. and it gives a certain feeling of not only assurance, but a feeling of belonging, we, iraqis (el sodugh iraqiyeen as i call us), like a big family scattered around the world..we speak the same language, we sense the same feelings..
and u r right, the ppl we miss r there no longer, only in our hearts and minds, they r our refuge in times of sadness and lonliness and Ghurba..
I thank u deeply for taking the time to send me yr kind words.. i felt like talking to an old freind..
Honestly im deeply touched..
shkoran jazeelan..
PS: its been a while i cant get through to yr blog, r u fixing it or something? or the problem is on my side of the net??
Dear Yasmin,
Hello, I’m a student artist in America and am working on a project concerning the Iraqi experience during occupation. I’m primarily interested in Iraqi bloggers, mainly because of how incredible it is to be able to hear voices that live under occupation on a daily basis, and to be able to hear it unfiltered and unedited. Your blog seemed really fantastic for the project. The current project I’m working on involves portraiture and selections from their blogs, which will be projected in public spaces and documented. I came across your blog and was interested in knowing if you would like to be a part of the project. All it would involve would be you taking a self portrait of yourself, from the shoulders up, and for you to select several quotes from your blog, which you would like to include in the project. You could choose to stay anonymous or have your name included in the project. If you do get back to me, I’ll be able to mail you some photographic prints and send you digital copies of the full project. If you have any questions or would like to know more about the project, please let me know. I’d love to talk about your experiences in Iraq as well as my experiences with the war here in America. I hope to hear back soon, take care and be well.
-Ian Paul
thereaction@gmail.com
Hi Yasmin
Reading what 3eeraqimedic wrote and what you replied to both of us, I kept thinking;why most of the ones who are talking about goodness, cooperation , giving and what is called (mithaliat), why most of them are living outside, that includes 3eeraqimedic, you and I!!
Once I was talking with a girl who was my college dear friend , I was supporting forgiveness when she replied;look you're from a different world and going to live in a different world.
Her words were like saying this place doesn't allow you to do well, all of us ran away when we were quite sure that we had no chance there.
I'm not criticizing my country or my people, but; it just confusing.
Maybe it's because patiriorism there is measured by loyality to person not to the country!!
Still, let's pray for a better Iraq
dear a&eiraqi,
what u ahve said i have thought about a hundred times, and the answer in my opinion is simply that : The idea was to get all the good ppl Out.. pls do not misunderstand me, our ppl there r not the bad ones, but its Them who r suffering Inside..
so, the (la Creme) as they call it, is to either b forced to leave iraq in ev possible way, or, stay there and pay for being Good..!!
doesnt make sense to u maybe, but thats how i see it.. Outside, u always meet the best doctors, the best professors, the best engineers, etc.. and Inside, its only the GOOD, who suffer, who get hurt, etc..
tell me a&eiraqi, will this nighmare ever be over ???!!..
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